Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Eyesore Profile: Congressman Tom Price

His creepy moustache really makes him look like a future guest on To Catch a Predator. Representing Georgia's 6th Congressional District, Tom Price is a member of what I'll now call the "House Loudmouth Coalition." Marsha Blackburn and Ted Poe are also a members, as are other morons who I'll write about at a later date. Basically, it's mainly a group of right-wing Southern Republicans who like to get up on their soapboxes during 1 minute speeches on frankly any subject that gets them free air time. Let's just say that Tom Price is a repeat offender, no subtle pun intended.

This might come across as mean, but 'd highly recommend keeping this man away from young children, your fetus, a microphone, a camera or any other thing that he might offend, screw up, etc.

Wicked Witch of the West

Congresswoman Barbara Cubin (R-WY) doesn't sound like a very nice or pleasant "lady." By the looks of this picture, she could easily whip out a pic axe and go to town on anyone who pisses her off. My guess is she probably packs some kind of heat, Wild West style, since she's your typical gun-toting Republican nutcase.

Some past (fucked up) statements:

"There still exists broad disagreement within the scientific community on the extent to which humans actually contribute to the Earth's temperature changes." Keep dreaming Babs.

"My sons are 25 and 30. They are blonde-haired and blue-eyed. One amendment today said we could not sell guns to anybody under drug treatment. So does that mean if you go into a black community, you cannot sell a gun to any black person..." I love her subtle racism.

"I know what Victoria's Secret is. She's a slut." Have you looked in the mirror recently? Too much makeup.

"We are bending over and taking it from the Democrats." This said during the Florida presidential recount in 2000. When a colleague objected to her vulgar language, she shot back: "Quiet down or you'll get a spanking." How sassy.

Fortunately she's chosen to not run for re-election, so the House will soon lose yet another worthless potty-mouthed "public servant."

Friday, August 22, 2008

Marilyn Musgrave....One Pale Whale

Is it just me or does Congresswoman Marilyn Musgrave (R-CO) need about fifteen sessions at her neighborhood tanning salon? In this particular photo above, she looks as though she's either a) perking her chest in a Katherine Harris-esque fashion or b) on the verge of taking one gigantic bowel movement.

A devout Pentecostal, Musgrave is also a raging homophobe. She got her start in politics serving on her local school board, where she helped usher an abstinence-only curriculum that so many other Republicans adore. She then served in the Colorado Legislature where she was rabidly a "Pro-Life" zealot.

Perhaps her most endearing quality, however, is her sponsorship of the Federal Marriage Amendment defining marriage as between a man and a woman. During the whole process, she once even proclaimed, "I don't think there's anything more important out there than the marriage issue." So in Musgrave's world, terrorism, unemployment, poverty, etc. aren't nearly as important as making sure two individuals of the same sex never get the opportunity to marry one another. Here she is with a close personal friend:

The voters of Colorado's 4th Congressional District appear to be huge morons, as they re-elected her to the House in 2004 and 2006, despite having her most recent opponent, Angie Paccione, who clearly had more wisdom, intelligence and compassion than Marilyn is ever capable of:

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Peterson's Ring Obsession

I had the pleasure of attending a hearing on Capitol Hill a few months ago on the Department of Labor's shenanigans and Congressman John E. Peterson (R-PA) automatically caught my eye. Not because of his stunning good looks or charming oratory, but because of all the tacky rings he wears. It's like he went on the set of Snatch and took off with half of their inventory.

Republicans have never known to be fashion icons, but he needs to seriously lay off the sleazy jewelry and stick to politicking. The pinky finger ring is probably the worst out of them all. It screams Used Car Salesman or Pawn Shop Owner.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Congresswoman Heather Wilson (R-NM)

Is it just me or does Heather Wilson, Albuquerque's own member of Congress, look like one big turbo dyke? This picture reminds me of a professor I had in college who also attempted the button-down oxford shirt, sportcoat and khaki look while pretending not to be a lesbian. The wallet she carried around in her back pocket didn't fool anyone.

Heather Wilson really knows how to deliver a punch. She ran a nasty campaign against Patricia Madrid in 2006 based on typical Republican terrorist fearmongering and barely won. Just like her pal Katherine Harris, a seat in Congress wasn't enough - she had to aim higher. So she chose to give up her House seat and make a run for the U.S. Senate, deceiving voters as she had in years past.

But don't take my word for it...check out this TV ad from her failed U.S. Senate primary campaign and listen to her strong, commanding voice:

"I'm Heather Wilson and I approve this message." I'm sure you do...

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Staten Island's Baby Daddy

Congressman Vito Fossella (R-NY) reminds us of the arrogant hypocrisy of Republican lawmakers. After being charged with drunk driving a few months ago (after an apparently crazy night at Logan Tavern), the press learned that he had fathered a child out of wedlock.

I would be more excited about this mugshot, but mugshots of Republican Congressmen have become rather perfunctory these days.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Marsha, Put a Sock in It!

Loudmouth Congresswoman Marsha Blackburn (R-TN) is painful to listen to and is one of a handful of House Republicans who constantly seek C-Span's limelight and go to the House floor to rant and rave about something just to get air time. An example:

Funny how she used the typical GOP talking points on war and sacrifice, yet when on a national cable news show made a complete moron out of herself by not being able to name a soldier from her district who had died in Iraq:

Why do her constituents continue to send such a sleazy lawmaker back to Congress? Well when you pack enough Republicans into one congressional district, anything is possible. I've disliked Marsha Blackburn and her loudmouthed bs for years as she's one of the more obnoxious Republicans I can needless to say, I was delighted to discover this trashy glamour shot from her earlier days as an "Image Consultant." You can't get any more Republican than this...

Our Vice President

Dick Cheney can be a real dick at times....what a convenient name! From spearheading the whole invasion of Iraq to his top secret energy meetings (absent of any real energy policy) and constant fearmongering, Dick Cheney has proven it's okay to be an asshole and still get re-elected to public office. "Go fuck yourself" is such a classy way to conduct yourself while presiding over the Senate. But then again, since when were Republicans very classy?

He's done a lot of shitty things over the past eight years. He "accidentally" shot a friend of his and yet opposes any sensible gun control since, well, you know, all gun owners that aren't criminals are responsible people who know how to shoot and aim straight. Everyone with any kind of instinct and or a functioning brain knows it was him, not Scooter Libby, who threw Valerie Plame under the bus and ruined her CIA career to score a political shot at her husband, Ambassador Wilson, who was critical of the war's justification from the start.

Yet the most disturbing thing, at least in my opinion, about Dick Cheney was his willingness to go along with the Bush/Cheney 2004 campaign's gaybashing to win the election, despite having a lesbian daughter. I'm sure she really appreciated the hypocrsy, but word on the street is that she's a cold-hearted snake, just like her Momma (who I'll blog about at a later date).

I have a feeling the Queen is thinking to herself "I hope he isn't packing any heat" in this photograph, despite her usually stoic disposition. Take it from me, just because you have zero facial expressions doesn't mean you aren't thinking awful thoughts about the fat sow sitting next to you.

Dick's segway mobility allows him to sneak up on unsuspecting victims and scare the shit out of them, likely children or those who have in the past been the victims of gunshot wounds. I'm thinking he deserves a "vacation" to The Hague in January 2009 to get the long-awaited rest and treatment he deserves.

Ann Coulter...

is one crazy bitch. There's so much to say about her I don't even know where to begin. For starters, by the looks of things, she needs to seek help for her rather obvious eating disorder. I have a feeling she either a) sticks to a mainly "liquid" and cocaine-heavy diet or b) has a torn up esophagus and some jacked up teeth from vomiting so much in public restrooms. Either way, she's really gross.

Aside from her slutty attire, the most offensive thing about Ann Coulter is the constant pollution she farts out of her mouth. A few examples:

"Jews need to be perfected."

"I think our motto should be, post 9/11: raghead talks tough, raghead faces consequences."

"We should invade their (Arab) countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."

"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is that he did not go to the New York Times building."

And perhaps the worst, regarding widows of 9/11 victims:

"I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much....the Democrat ratpack gals endorsed John Kerry for president...cutting campaign do we know their husbands weren't planning to divorce these harpies? Now that their shelf life is dwindling, they'd better hurry up and appear in Playboy."

Ann really is one good, obedient Republican. She used to work as a staffer for Republican Senator Spencer Abraham and is adored by young conservatives and Republican activists across our country. Notice the cute adam's apple on her throat. Possible extra Y chromosome? Ann, is there something you aren't telling us? Duct tape can do wonders!

Friday, August 15, 2008

"And that's just the way it is..."

This dbag, Congressman Ted Poe (R-TX), is always entertaining to watch as he rants and rambles away on the House floor. My earliest memory of Poe was when living in Houston in 2004...he benefited from the GOP redistricting scheme, complements of Tom DeLay (who I'll blog about at a later date), that botched up Nick Lampson's old district and added tons of new, suburban and bigoted Republican voters. He had billboards all across the Bayou City attacking gay marriage and overall was and continues to be one big idiot.

Each speech he gives in Congress ends with the phrase "and that's just the way it is." What an innovative trademark! Though his usual rant on illegal immigrants, liberals, abortion and other societal problems was of no surprise to viewers, quoting and praising the founder of the KKK, Nathan Bedford Forrest, might have gone a little too far.

Eyesore Profile: Congressman Lee Terry

What an ugly mofo...I mean, is it just me, or does he oddly resemble Butthead? Representing Nebraska's 2nd Congressional District (Omaha), his campaign website touts his lame positions on a number of issues...

Abortion: "I believe that the most innocent lives, those of the unborn should be protected." I guess that would exlude innocent Iraqi children killed by US bombing missions, but who am I to judge?

Taxes: "How many of you want your taxes raised? Well Nancy Pelosi wants to raise your taxes, in fact the budget that we just passed raises your taxes over 5 years by almost 700 billion dollars." I'm sure Omaha is filled with tons of multi-millionaires who are worried about Pelosi raising their taxes. Coincidentally, Omaha's own Warren Buffet disagrees with this typical GOP talking point. But I'm sure Terry knows far more about economics than one of the most successful investors of all time.

Blast from the Past: Katherine Harris

I'll never forget how devastated I was when Gore "lost" the election in 2000. As if having my home state Governor become our nation's President wasn't depressing enough, the icing on the cake was watching while then Florida Secretary of State Katherine "Harlot" Harris certified the election results even though not all of the votes had been counted. She is really one skanky gal...

Her reprehensible actions sure did pay off. Only two years later, she won a seat in Congress representing Florida's 13th Congressional District, anchored in Sarasota. The voters must be total (Republican) morons there. And boy did she do a good job at making them proud, especially with photo ops like this one:

Apparently being a Congresswoman wasn't enough for this premadonna, so in 2006 she chose to run for the U.S. Senate seat currently held by Senator Bill Nelson. Her campaign announcement was really amazing.

Needless to say, her campaign went nowhere, and she got trounced by Senator Nelson 60% to 38%...what a loser! But that didn't stop her from passing out her business cards to her former colleagues on the House floor in one last ditch effort of shameless self-promotion...